Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Is it September Yet?

Twenty ways I can tell my kids are out of school for the summer:

1. At any given time, two out of three of my toilets are stopped up.

2. At any given time, two out of three of my children need me to do something for them.

3. When alone, I find myself pondering the mystical questions of the universe like: Who was the first Jedi Knight and will anyone ever invent a real lightsaber?

4. Justin Beiber is starting to grow on me.

5. The house mysteriously empties of food as soon as I bring it in.

6. The words, "I'm hungry" have become background noise that don't even register with me, just as one does not hear the air conditioner running or people breathing because these are sounds that are ever present.

7. Ditto with the words, "Can I play the Wii?"

8. Nap time has lost all meaning.

9. Bed time has lost all meaning.

10. A giant tub of cheesy puffs seems like a wise purchase.

11. Going to the gym is the most relaxing part of my day.

12. A piercing scream heard on the other side of the house will only make me roll my eyes and yell, "KNOCK IT OFF!"

13. I find myself gazing at my beloved children and wondering . . . when in God's name did I last bathe you???

14. Pizza and cheesy puffs seem like a good, nutritious choice for lunch.

15. Cereal and cheesy puffs seem like a good, nutritious choice for breakfast.

16. I'm starting to think the orange, cheesy puff stains on the carpet give the living room a certain flair.

17. I'm thinking of having my name legally changed to Mommy-Watch-This.

18. I'm excited when the kids go to bed early because now I can finally . . . iron.

19. Okay, so . . . Friday morning I decided to sneak out real quick to the fenced backyard to put a final coat of paint on the table I'm refinishing and thought it would be silly to change out of my shorty pj shorts and itty tank since I was just going to be inside my privacy fence for fifteen minutes . . . to paint, you know. To make a long story short, I spent the better part of the morning locked in my backyard, too embarassed to go around front because of my lack of appropriate cul-de-sac living attire. Second son has a sick sense of humor.

20. I am getting WAY more kisses and hugs than any human being could possible deserve on a near constant basis. I'm considering home schooling.