Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?

I got up early this Sunday and marveled at the stillness of my house. Husband had an early game of sand soccer at the beach and kids were sacked out, exhausted from our busy Saturday.  I thought about going back to sleep, spending the morning in bed, but then I thought about that huge, luscious Sunday paper—crossword puzzles (not one, but two) and Sudoku  (not the easy one’s that appear in the paper Monday through Saturday that I can do with my eyes shut, but the challenging one) and Cryptograms. I thought about the ads, slick pages full of stuff I wanted to buy. I would save the Target ad for last, like dessert.

I slid out of bed, tiptoed down the stairs, poured a cup of coffee, quietly opened the front door, and retrieved the paper. I sat at the kitchen table and readied myself for some quality, uninterrupted newspaper time. As soon as I slid the paper out of the plastic sleeve, six little feet clomped down the stairs and demanded food, drink, and entertainment.

After the tenth request to play the wii, I had a moment of panic. Husband and I don’t allow video games at all for First Son during the school year and very little for Second Son. But they are both allowed to play during summer vacation and it’s starting next week. I cannot listen to “Can I play the wii?” ten thousand times a day for three months. I cannot! So, instead of reading the paper and doing puzzles, I opened up Excel and made these flyers for First and Second Son because the newspaper keeps and sanity does not.

They can play the wii twice a day for forty-five minutes, but first they have to tear off the little forty-five minute tag on that day of the week and give it to me so that I can set the timer. They can’t play wii without tearing off that tag. And once their two tags are gone for that day, they are done playing wii, no argument (yeah, right!), no exceptions. I know—ingenious!  

I made First Son’s tags yellow because he is a huge Steelers fan (Ugh! Gross!) and Second Son’s tags red because for some odd reason that I don’t recall, he is a huge Arizona Cardinals fan. Hopefully, this will be a small step towards making my summer more peaceful. If someone has an idea on how to make them stop saying, “I’m bored,” or “I’m hungry” ten thousand times a day, I’m all ears!

Where is Waldo? For Real. Where He Go?

My five-year-old told husband the other day that he should dress like Waldo for Halloween. I looked at husband with squinty eyes and said, "Yeah, you do look a little like Waldo." He raised his eyebrows at me and I added, "Only way hotter, of course."

So, husband asked me, "Can you make a Waldo costume?"

I responded, "Uh, can pigs fly? I mean . . . wait . . . they can't so, what I meant to say was, yeah, of course I can!"

Now, don't get the wrong idea and think that my life is so void of things to do that I ran out to Wal-Mart that very day for Waldo-Costume-Making-Supplies. No, of course I didn't. I waited at least a day. So, if you want to make your very own Waldo costume for Halloween, all that you need is:

1. 1 ball of red yarn
   
2. 1 ball of white yarn
   
3. Long sleeved white t-shirt
   
4. Bright red Duck tape
   
5. Husband willing to dress like Waldo
   

So . . . all you do is make a hat with the yarn starting with the red and work it in the stockingnet stitch for a while and then switch to the white. You know, knit the purls and purl the knits, 'cause it kind of looks a bit more manly than a regular stitch and stuff. And then make a pom-pom with the red yarn by wrapping it around two circles a bunch of times and then a bunch more and then wrapping more yarn around it and you know, you have a pom-pom. I totally should write a book on knitting hats. Right?

Then, take the shirt and do a row of red duck tape and a row of nothing until it looks like a Waldo shirt.

Then, wait . . . where did the husband willing to dress like Waldo go? Oh, wait . . . wait, wait, wait . . . now the Coast Guard wants to send him to Florida during Halloween?!?! What? Who cares about Homeland Security, I spent all this time with Duck tape and yarn and stuff to make this great costume. How can the Coast Guard be so callous???

So, I have this awesome homemade Waldo costume ready for Halloween. Any takers?

And don't even think about suggesting that I go as Waldo if you value your life. Though I may seem quite self-deprecating, trust me, it's all an act. I'm as vain as the next girl and . . . really . . . red and white horizontal stripes???? I don't think so.

There, I've said it.