Mum’s the Word

Yeah, my front yard has been looking kind of bleak, I get it. But this is a rental, and try as I may, I just can't make myself care too much about this house.

However, the weather was turning all pretty and cool and the fall flowers were all out and displayed at Lowe's and stuff and I got a wild hair and suggested to my three-year-old that we plant some flowers. Of course, as soon as the words left my mouth, I wished that I had them on a fishing line so that I could reel them back in. But . . . it was too late. She heard me and worse, she liked it!

I tried to ignore the planting flowers suggestion, but she woke up every morning and reminded me. Then I tried procrastination, telling her that we would do it next week, because I was far too busy checking my e-mail and editing books that won't ever be published to even think about planting flowers. Then, she woke every morning asking, "Is it next week?"

I guess my conscience started to get to me. Pesky thing.

So . . . I took the anxious little child to Lowes and let her pick out the poor daring plants that wished to be sacrificed in my front yard. Really I admired the beautiful purple blooms for giving themselves over to me. I mean, seriously, it's remarkable that three kids have survived under my care when zero . . . no lie, zero, plants have.

You know, I even feel a little sorry for the plants before I bring them home to die. Sometimes I'll apologize to them at the store—"Yeah, I know that you guys could have gone home with the lonely widow who dotes on her plants more than I have ever doted on another human being, but . . . you got stuck with me. But, you can't always choose who you get stuck with, so you just got to make the best of the situation. Look on the bright side, you'll get transplanted, I can guarantee that, and you'll get watered at least . . . well . . . maybe once, though it could be . . . like . . . four times if I can get my seven-year-old on board with the whole green thumb project. You know, it's possible that I could turn my life around and start caring for you guys. So . . . there's a chance that you'll survive beyond two weeks . . . if it rains . . . a lot."

So now, in addition to the beautiful dead tree in my front yard I also have an assortment of mums in various stages of decay and I put some pumpkins in there to make it all festive and yes, gourds because . . . I don't know why. I guess just because I'm a stay-at-home-mom and that's the kind of thing that we do to feel productive.

Yep, gourds.

That's my life.