Running on Empty

Let's talk about this exercise thing I've been doing lately. I gotta tell you, I'm not really lovin' it like I should. In fact, the only reason that I still go to the YMCA four times a week and stay for at least an hour, honestly, is that I don't want the child care staff to think badly of me. I suppose that this is one of those times in life that it's good when you care what other people think about you.

I mean, really, if I got off the treadmill when I wanted to, I know they would look at me sideways and say, "You're done already?" Those times when I stay longer than an hour and feel all good and empowered and stuff, I check the sign-out sheet and there is always someone who signed their kid in before me who is still somewhere in the gym sweating their butt off (or yakking to someone in the locker room is what I tell myself). Seriously, though, what are these people doing?

When I run outside and keep a good schedule of running, I can do it (outside) for longer than an hour. But . . . running on a treadmill, I'm totally bored after, like, five minutes. I'll read the CNN closed captioning thing for a while and then they'll go to a commercial and I'll look at the girl next to me out of the corner of my eye and she'll be, like, walking really slow and I'll think—Wow! She's lucky! She gets to walk, while I have to run. How come I can't just walk? Why is she so special? You know, I think that walking is supposed to be better for you than running. Maybe I should walk too. Yeah, I think my heart rate is too high anyway. I bet if I checked it on that automatic heart-check thing, it would be like "Danger, Danger." So, I should walk.

Then I'll look down and see that I've only ran a half mile and I'll think—Holy cow! This would only have been a warm up if I were running around the neighborhood. There's no way I would walk if I were at home, I'll keep running. Hmm, but there's a girl on the other side of me and guess what, SHE'S WALKING TOO!!!! I think that walking is the new thing, I should try it. Yeah, I'll walk. Wait . . . that other girl was just warming up and now she's running too and oh no! she's running faster than me!!!! I can't compete with her, I'm about to die and I've just gone three quarters of a mile and I think my heart is going to explode!

I think my biggest thing is that I don't like for other people to watch me exercise. I'm not the most graceful of girls and my run is really more of a glorified walk and . . . I just feel silly. But I like the way it makes me feel after and I like the break from the little one during the day and I like to be able to button my jeans from time to time. So I do it. And I tell myself, "You don't have to like it, you just have to do it." And then get up the next day and do it and the next day and the next because, it's worth it. It's just sometimes hard to remember that when your heart is about to erupt and you can't control your breathing and your legs feel like rubber. But it always is. It's always worth it.

So get up and go, Hollie.

Yes, right now.

For real, turn off the computer and get your butt to the gym.

I mean it.